I’ve never been comfortable talking about myself or my story in a group of people, especially the parts that are dark or shameful or just seem dangerous to tell. And feelings have always been really hard for me to identify or recognize. A few years ago, I realized that people around me who knew me well often knew what I was feeling before I even knew I was feeling anything at all. I signed up for April’s small group with a lot of trepidation. I knew I was in a season where I needed to learn to talk about my story, in a safe place, and let myself be known, but I really, really didn’t want to go there. Participating in this small group was one of the best decisions of my life. I found a safe place, where I was able to learn more of how it looks to engage my story, and the stories of others, with curiosity. I was able to see and be seen, to hear and be heard and able to choose to respond or remain silent. A place where I was encouraged and equipped to deepen my own relationship with God, and learn to engage with him about the painful parts and wrestle through them with him. One of the first weeks, there was this object lesson with a mirror. I hate mirrors, have for as long as I can remember, so I was resisting this whole session. But at the end, we were supposed to look in the mirror at our own eyes and share what we saw, if we wanted to. I saw fear and hardness in my eyes that night, although that wasn’t what I said I saw. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and God and I had a few conversations about it because I really wasn’t ok with what I saw. It scared me. Now when I do that, I see light and hope. I’ve got a long way to go, but it’s not as scary as it was before.

- C

Inside Out Ministries International has changed my life in more ways than one. When I met Keith and April, I was deep into an addiction, as well as many toxic behaviors, and I didn’t know how to get out of the cycle. To be honest, I hated myself. I thought I was unworthy of love and was labeled as a reject. Through the ministry of online small group, not only have I broken free from addiction, I have also felt God’s love for the first time. I have been able to unmask many memories from my childhood that were connected to feelings of unworthiness and rejection I’ve felt my entire life. I am so grateful for April helping me break chains off of my life by providing me with tools that I can use daily to remain emotionally free from bondage that tries to rule my life. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a little girl who grew into an adult who has a Heavenly Father who delights in her and genuinely loves her for who she is.

- Brittany